Post-Hibernation!

It has been a long time since I have last post but I feel as if the Lord has put something profound on my heart recently. So hold on tight :)

First, I want you to first think of your favorite animal that hibernates. Okay got it? Mine is a chipmunk! Second, why do these animals hibernate? Answer! The most notorious reasons is that they are conserving energy and surviving the cold winter months where there is limited food supply.

Now, think about your relationship with God. Are you in a hibernating season? A season in which you make every possible excuse to avoid talking about Him? Or maybe you are in a season in which you feel hopeless, never satisfied resorting to worldly material items to get you through the long winter months? And finally, maybe you are just in a season in which you love God but you feel as if your relationship is not progressing, you feel stagnant in your walk?

Well these are all awesome places to be because God promises us hope regardless of our circumstances. When an animal awakes from hibernation they are starving, the first thing they do is look for food. Are you thirsty? Do you hunger for more satisfaction in life?

Because of Jesus we have been offered more satisfaction, because He has promised us that "everything is beautiful in His timing." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 11
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.
a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

All of this to say that no matter where you are in your walk (season) with the Lord, regardless of if it exist to if you are just taking a break; His love for us never fails and He desires to have a relationship with you. We are relational people who desire to be loved which is perfect because God is a relation God who desires to love us.
Psalm 63: 1-8
"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my flesh faints for you; as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in my sanctuary, behold your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands..."

What does love look like?

This question is something I can't answer. There is nothing here on earth that compares to the Love Christ has shed upon my life. I  have searched and searched. I tried everything; romance left me vulnerable and an emotional wreck, monetary bliss left me empty, fiscal happiness left me broke (Hebrews 13:5).

This kind of love sustains life. This love is constant (Jeremiah 31:3), never failing (Romans 8:31), never fading, and most certainly never ending (John 3:16). This kind of love disciplines. It breaks down pride to develop desire. This kind of love never has selfish motives. Isaiah 49:16, We are inscribed on the palms of His hands.

This kind of love has filled and overflowed my cup. I look back on my life and realize how lost and broken I was without this love (Revelation 21:4). This love exist because of Jesus. The sacrifice (2 Corinthians 5:21), death, and resurrection enabled this kind of love to even exist (Romans 5:8). This love  looks at me with arms wide open, knowing that I will fail. This kind of love is vulnerable, knowing that it will be rejected. This kind of love desires our attention, our love, and our affection.

In times of worship this love reveals truth to our hearts. This kind of love is unnatural to man, and cannot be described by the human language, because it is a feeling. A feeling only experienced in a relationship with a living God! So thankful and blessed to experience this love. This love promises over and over again to never leave us (Isaiah 41:10).

Studying the word tonight and this song touched my heart :) Over and Over again this love is revealed and presented to those who love Him and surrender their life to Him. There is nothing to lose, except your baggage, pain, guilt, sorrow, sadness, and hatred. This kind of love fills you will joy, identity, reliance, love, security, and most importantly hope in such a broken and dark world. This love desired me, even when I rejected it. It  fought for me, when I fought against it. This love is so powerful it took all my broken pieces and glued them back together. This looks and me the way It looks at His son, Jesus. This love continues to set me apart and renew my heart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2ZCIp0HiRo

Just Shut Up

These past few weeks have been really tough for me. I had broken a rule at VMI and rather than submit and accept my punishment I reluctantly complained about how stupid or unfair I thought it was. What I failed to recognize was what God was trying to teach me through this.  God is not a harsh or mean God, He is a God that disciplines His children in ways that they can grow closer to Him and glorify Him with their actions.God just wanted me to shut up because my flesh was not bringing glory to Him but that of myself. I know this may sound crazy but God wanted to discipline my tongue in a way in which would bring glory to Him. 

Hebrews 12:5-7 says... "And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said,'My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline,    

and don’t give up when he corrects you.

For the Lord disciplines those he loves,    

and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.' 

As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father?"

Like a father, He was trying to discipline my behavior because He loves me and I represent Him. As I reflect today I recognize that I failed to ask Him to help me during this time, in which I relied on my flesh to provide for me. Rather than turn to Him in prayer. 

I encourage you this week to really seek Him out in your daily prayer life. Ask Him to show you what in your life is detracting from His glory:
In other words what actions or behaviors you partake in are ruining not only your reputation but more importantly His?

For me it was my mouth.  The greatest tragedy in this whole situation was that I failed to turn to Him and ultimately misrepresented who He is in my life. His love for me showed me that there is nothing I could do but recognize the freedom I have because of Him.

Freedom

As I meditated over last week I recognized that there were places in my life where I had not died to my flesh. I continue to live for myself. Living a life in which Jesus is appealing, comfortable, and convenient. I had allowed myself to get comfortable in my faith rather than living out loud. For a couple weeks now I have been asking God to break me if there was something that was distracting/blinding me from Him; and this is it. I wasn't in complete and total submission to Him. Because I am His child there is nothing more I could do to make Him love me. He loves me because I am His child.

The world in which we live rejects the gospel. The fall of man has distorted that which God designed to be a beautiful picture. I don't mean to be a Debby downer but, Jesus has an awesome gift. A gift that sets us free from being a slave to the world. And yet, we have turned it into what I like to call "The Build a Bear Religion Edition." What we do is we pick what is appealing to the eye and fill it with fluff until we are satisfied and then we cover it in the clothing that we like. We therefore have built something that is appealing, comfortable, and convenient. There was no hardship endured and ultimately WE did all the work, so nothing is left to God. There is no faith involved, no surrender, no repentance, and definitely no brokenness. We walk out feeling a temporary satisfaction about life.

The world has blinded us to the truth that we are free from this philosophy. We do not have to do anything, we do not even have to be in control, we are simply called to let go and surrender. So, you may be asking what does that look like?

In Luke 9, Jesus invites His followers to be His disciples yet He requires one thing: "Whoever wants to be my disciples must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."
Application to modern life: The things that distract you from a daily relationship spent with the Lord in the Word are idols and they have a foothold in your life.
In Romans 6, Paul tells us that when we deny ourselves and follow Him our old self (habits and sin) are crucified. In that we are no longer a slave to our past. Because we are a new creation.
Application to modern life: We now live our life knowing that God is in control and that we are free from our past mistakes. When we fail, make mistakes, God still loves us. We do not have to live with guilt, shame, or remorse.

Gospel Prayer

In Christ,
There is nothing I could do to make you love me more;
Nothing I have done makes you love me less.

You are all I need today,
For everlasting JOY

As You have been to me,
So I will be to others

As I pray,
I'll measure your compassion by the Cross
And Your power by the resurrection.



*Something a friend shared with me that really opened my eyes to the truth of the Gospel. The Grace we receive is nothing like what the world offers. It is uncomparable and impossible for the world to understand. That is why WE are NOT of this world.

Agape through Leadership

This week has honestly been tough for me as a leader. I have faced some situations in which I have questioned how to do my job effectively, and still love. But I have come to the conclusion that if my actions are not out of love and service, than my emotions and flesh are dictating the situation and when I start introducing character flaws such as selfishness and impatience, I fail to love. My actions should be purely motivated by Agape.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2ZCIp0HiRo
So, where do I draw the line of tough love and being mean? Well this is something I have thought about a lot. Not everyone is going to agree with me and I understand that, but I think we find a clear definition of Agape in the way Jesus discipled and ministered to others.


My friend sent me these verses midweek: Romans 8:14-18 [For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.]

In reading this, I recognized that the Lord, my Father, released me from the slavery I allowed to hold me captive. Because I am His child, I am free in His name from the world. As I reflected on my past, I realized He definitely didn't adopt or love me because I am perfect and have it all together. Rather, He adopted me as His own because I am so completely helpless without Him. Keeping this in mind, our leadership should reflect this kind of Agape.

As humans, we are imperfect and full of flaws. Nevertheless, the same kind of patience the Lord had when it came to my heart is the same kind of patience we should have towards those subordinates we are leading. I have found that when situations were inconvenient for me, the Lord is clearly at work in a broken heart and satan is trying to intercept the work of the Lord. As believers, we are reminded repeatedly to not lose heart when we fail, but day by day take the truths the Lord has placed in our hearts and live by them, then allowing them to become the song in our heart, preaching these truths to not only ourselves but more importantly using them to ministering to others.

Post OCS Lessons:

1. The Lord is ever more present during times of hardship or suffering.
2. No one,  I repeat no one could steal my Joy. Now happiness is a different story; that is solely based on circumstances and OCS isn't supposed to be comfortable and fun.
3. When all else failed and I had given all that I had, God was still in control!
4. On every hike, when I felt my pack was heavy and my mind was weak, I reminded myself of the burden I would be carrying without the sacrifice that Christ carried for my forgiveness.
5. I learned to choose my battles because not every disagreement or frustrating moment is worth sacrificing a friendship over.
6. A man worth marrying will drive 6 hours out of his way before a 14 hour trip in the opposite direction.
7. A pond that constantly pours out is eventually going to be empty. Figuratively when you are constantly pouring out at serving those around you, you will burn out  mentally and physically. I have learned only one person can fill it up and that is Jesus. So when you have worked yourself to the bone, it is okay to take time, rest, and refill!
8. My body is tired, exhausted, and slightly broken. There is a reason God created a seventh day, even He needed rest.
9. Loving the unlovable is hard but so extremely rewarding! His love never failed me. Despite disagreements and frustrations never let your love fail those around you. Your smile could change their day!
10. I kept a journal and wrote down 3 things that made me joyful everyday! It forced me to realize that despite the pain and suffering that the joy of the Lord was my strength and my stronghold.


*still thinking... will add more as I remember :)

Enduring Suffering

I sit here back at school broke, tired, and exhausted. I'm not going to lie, OCS killed me and wore me out beyond compare, but the Lord used that exhaustion, that suffering, and that brokenness to reach a dark world. The military is able to use a uniform to disguise the brokenness within the hearts and minds of those wearing them. I can attest first hand to looking very confident in a uniform but being very broken on the inside.

Naturally, I question my ability to push past this brokenness and mental exhaustion; as well as why the Lord allows me to endure this suffering. In my most exhausting moments the Lord has revealed Himself to me. He has shown me that when my flesh has failed it is only Him and His perfect strength that keeps me going. So why do we endure suffering? Why does the Lord allow us to face these very demanding trials in life?

In 1 Peter 5:9-10 we are reminded that we are not alone in this suffering because our brothers throughout the world are enduring it as well, and that through this suffering the Lord will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish us.

A few more encouraging verses are in: Romans 5:3-4 [We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts.] Psalm 73:26 [My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever] and finally: 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds us that the Lord equips us with Power, Love, and a Sound Mind. The Lord does not set us up for failure. He believes in us more than we believe in ourselves at times. This sound mind is what pushed me through OCS, even when I felt the odds were against me. The Lord gave me the mental strength to persevere.

I encourage you to embrace this suffering, considering it pure joy [James 1:2] and recognize that the Lord is doing great things through you. The worst thing you can do is, to go internal and lose sight of the eternal perspective; that we serve a Lord who loves us very much and He has a Kingdom waiting for us. So while this pain and suffering may be but a season in our lifetime, this too shall pass and ultimately our Lord will be glorified through us. What encourages me most is maintaining childlike faith. In that I mean not allowing the circumstances of the world affect what the Lord has already told me to do or endure.

A video a good friend sent me during a recent time of struggle:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyUPz6_TciY&nomobile=1 

Things He Carries For Me

The day-to-day monotony of schedules and busyness of life often times become an unbearable burden. Its like a child who constantly wants to be carried. The burden of them on one's back can become heavy and destructive to one's mental and physical capacity. In life we have this burden and yet time and time again we try to carry it on our own. It is not a bad burden, but yet one of constant distractions, faults, and frustrations. It builds up and we try every way to relieve ourselves of this weight we carry from day to day. 

From My Heart:

In my B.C. (before Christ) days I tried everything from drinking to sexual immorality to cure me of these burdens. I felt that if I got attention from the right people I would feel accepted. I had a burning hole in my life and all I wanted was to be desired. This hole was a figurative self-destruction button that I tried to press many times. But there was only one person who could cure my worldly sickness and fill that hole. Only one person had the fullness within Him that would fill me.  Only one person was and still is capable of saving us from our self-destructiveness.

So how do we break this toxic cycle of building unbearable burdens and attempts of self-destruction? There is no step-by-step book for dummies including a bunch of ridiculous how to's. Its a process of extracting our sinful nature and allowing the Holy Spirit to renovate our heart. In Ephesians 4, Paul commands the church of Ephesus to put on the new life that is created in Christ likeness, by putting away the falsehoods/lies and speaking the truth. He commands them to let nothing destructive or corruptive to come out of their mouths but only that which would build one another up. We are to be kind and tender hearted to one another the way Christ has been toward us.

The weight we carry is from holding on to our sinful nature and destructive desires, unwilling to allow Christ to renovate our hearts and minds. Simply, we fail to surrender. In Galatians, Paul addresses the church of Galatia. Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me, and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me."

 I challenge you to pray about these burdens that separate you from Christ and separate you from allowing the Holy Spirit to live inside of you.

What do you carry?

Daring to be Different

What does it mean to be different for God?

I know a lot of times we tend to skip over the old testament because it can be "boring" or "too historical" but I want to look at a woman who was a leader in her professional life as a prophetess, judging Israel, but also a wife in her personal life. She was decisive and charismatic, having the spiritual endurance during battle to prevail and never giving up. In an era of [Judges 17:6; 21:25] everyone doing what was right in their own eyes. So what is it that made her so different from the other judges?

Well the mystery woman I am speaking of is Deborah from Judges 4.  She faced the challenge of leading the Israelites during this time of rebellion. Also, A woman! are you kidding me! This was a very unusual position for a woman in her culture. She was known for her courage and desire to seek God's will for the Hebrew people. She distinguishes herself as one of the most Godly judges. This is incredibly ironic that the most distinguished judge of the time was a woman. Despite the poor choices of the other judges, her words and actions constantly pointed to God, not away from Him.

C.S. Lewis says, "The Christian way is different: harder and easier. Christ says, 'give me all. I don't want much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work; I want you. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half-measures are any good. I do not want to cut off a branch here and a branch there. I want to have the whole tree cut down. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you myself; my own will shall become yours."

So, what does it mean to live a life being different for God? How can you be a modern day Deborah in our self-satisfying society?

My heart's response:

Simply, I had to die to self. The biggest step in having a friendship or relationship is the selfless attitude and sacrifice involved. In a relationship with a physical earthly person, it is natural to justify your sacrifice because of the mutual immediate benefaction. Whereas in a relationship with God, the sacrifice is immediate but we don't always see his immediate work. Being different for God is accepting this and recognizing my actions are done in faith of who God is and all that He promises for me. By accepting this difference and dying to self I am giving God everything [example: modesty, purity, social media, cell phone, physical training, friends, prayer, worship, thoughts, actions, etc.]
Being different in these areas of my life is what has drawn me closer to what God is trying to reveal to me. Because I am different and willing to leave my selfish desires and follow where he is leading me. When I am different for God and I am going against the crowd, it is "easier". By easier I mean that when I am going against the crowd and following the will of God, He keeps me in perfect peace. Never once have I regretted dressing modestly, re-dedicating my purity, temporarily deactivating my facebook, having a "dumb" phone, praying for others, worshipping, sober thoughts, or God glorifying actions. God fills me with His presence when I am walking in His will. This leads to joy and peace as I have "dared to be different". I challenge you to read and study the story of Deborah for yourself!
  Isaiah 26:3 [You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.]


I challenge you to answer this question for yourself:
What would your life look like if you dared to be different for God, what would change?

Trust Part II: Learning to Trust

Learning to Trust.

Once again I feel led to talk about the issue of trust. Our society likes to think of themselves as independent and self-reliant so we essentially have forgotten how to trust. But tonight at my moms Bible study at church we studied trust and how it builds the bridge to joy. A book I read a long time ago, One Thousand Gifts, was the topic of discussion.

First, I want you to think of roadblocks in your life that make you too afraid to step out of your comfort zone and trust the will of God. These roadblocks, are the things that blind you to truth, truth that brings about trust. Once you have thought of these things, I want you to write them down on a paper and visualize the words. Then one by one I want you to pray over each word and cross it out. Because we all have to tell satan that he has no control over us, and that our strength comes from God.

I am embarrassed to admit, and for a long time I wouldn't admit it, but for sooooo long I relied on food. I not only relied on it but for a while it had become my backbone in life. To the point that when things in life didn't go my way I would just eat rather than getting in the word. I would physically fill myself up rather than allowing God to spiritually fill me up. Essentially my trust was in food, because of my strong mental reign that dictated over my spiritual. But there are other roadblocks such as control  selfishness, busyness, and failure. All of these roadblocks we allow to steal our joy and control our spiritual life.

The author of this book, Ann Voskamp, brought  up a lot of good points and one that really convicted my heart was that, every time I choose stress/worry/food over Him I am committing an act of disbelief, a form of practical atheism. Belief is a verb, it is something that you actively do.

So I ask the question, how do you begin to trust? How do you truly believe that God is real and capable of acting in your life????

Well, I know this is going to sound stupid easy but, its as simple as counting your blessings! When you count your blessings you recognize who can be counted on in your life. When you give thanks to God for what He has already done then you can begin to trust Him in the future.

Romans 8:32 [ He who did not spare his own Son, but gave Him up for us all,

 how will he not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things? ]

When we get away from our facebooks, twitters, pinterest, cell phones, distractions, etc... and reflect on all that we  have, we are able to see all that God has done... There is nothing to lose in trusting Him to continue His work in your heart and life. 

Trust.

So this week I have  been praying asking God to reveal to me what He wanted posted on this blog and I felt like He wasn't speaking to me, but honestly I wasn't truly seeking His will because I was too preoccupied with Netflix and Facebook. But when I finally got away from them for a few days I was able to hear His ever so quiet whisper.

Last week mom and I were doing yard work when we discovered a birds nest in one of our trees we were pruning. Well I noticed how fiercely the mother abandoned the nest when we were coming, but she never stopped watching us work around the tree. As I reflect back on that moment, I wanted and I knew I could help the momma bird! Our society is so capable of doing above and beyond what that momma bird needs for her babies! WE practically could raise her babies for her and give them all of the nutrition that they need. But she would abandon the eggs if we tried because she doesn't trust us.

When I think about this concept, I look to my relationship with God. Like the momma bird, I like to think I know how to control the situation and make sure everything is great. However,  like the caring gardener [God], when He tries to intervene on my behalf, I get scared and don't trust Him. I am like the bird, I abandon Him because I am no longer in control. This is a toxic cycle and has caused me to stumble many times because of my stubbornness and desire to be in control!

A wise pastor recently told me, we trust God to a point, we struggle with trusting him because we believe we are not capable, we are insecure, we make every excuse to not trust God.  It is hard to trust God with all those things, but God is omnipresent and all powerful. God has given us the keys to the kingdom. He trust us with His kingdom, yet we fail to trust him with all these little things. [Pastor John Matson, Bayside Community Church]

Isaiah 42:16-18
[I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,    along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them   and make the rough places smooth.These are the things I will do;  I will not forsake them. But those who trust in idols   who say to images, ‘You are our gods,’ will be turned back in utter shame.“Hear, you deaf;    look, you blind, and see!]

Proverbs 3:5-6 
[Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.]

Post Traumatic Tech Obsession

Post Traumatic Tech Obsession

Have you ever tried to talk to someone who is focused on their technological device of choice? Ever feel like you are disturbing them from their game or snap chat that is clearly more important than you? What has happened to our society, we are unable to have a conversation without pulling out our iphone or ipad. We are so "wanted" by everyone else that it is impossible to maintain 5 minute conversation without getting cut off by someone else who is miles away.

Well I fell into this trap my sophomore year of college. I wanted to feel wanted and desired by my friends, which of course meant that the only way I could do that was through a smart phone. I loved it! Literately every spare moment I had I would stare into my smart phone rather than trying to be friendly or meet people. This lifestyle consumed me and I was unable to make new friends because I refused to leave the security of my phone. My phone had become part of my self-identity and confidence. I couldn't live without it because I lived for it.

I titled this blog, Post Traumatic Tech Obsession, because I still suffer from my addiction to my old phone. I know this sounds weird, but I had to quit cold-turkey and walk away from my phone because it was my idol and I was unable to grow closer to God when I was living for the world. I go through days where I feel left out or "abandoned" because I don't have the latest technology or an iPhone. When all my friends are snap chatting, face timing, or checking their Facebook, I am sitting there with my dumb phone and not a Bible app but a good old-fashion paper Bible.

It took me years to figure out that living for my phone pushed me farther away from the Lord, and if anything, it blinded me to the truth and His will for my life. I walked in my own will and claimed that I was unable to discern God will, when really I didn't want to have anything to do with it. I challenge you today to reflect on these questions that helped me break away from my obsession:

1. How many times do you check your Facebook a day? versus. How many times do you check in with God a day?
2. How many text messages have you sent today? versus. How many people have you lifted up in prayer today?
3. What is the definition of an idol?
4. Who is the ruler of your life (i.e. in our busy world who engulfs the majority of your time)?

Ironic how as I am writing this blog, a friend on Facebook posted, "I miss my phone, I never thought I would become this reliant upon technology."  I am so guilty of this technology obsession, I have to constantly cut it out of my life before it begins to control me and draw me away from the Lord.

Stress.

Stress. 

It seems to wash over me like the waves in the sea. One moment the stress is there and next moment I am embracing the dry sand and sun. This week has been a tsunami wave for me, except the stress I once before felt is no longer there. I no longer worry about the grades that I will receive because worrying and stressing never made the teacher grade easier or like me more. I have let go of the momentary, the things I have no control over and allow God to do what He does best.

This stress we allow to control us, from daily chores to final exams and ultimately with life altering choices. Rather than allowing God to be in control we have put ourselves as masters and ultimately in bondage to the stress and worry, when it really has no legitimate power over us. One of my favorite verses Philippians 4:6-7  ^[ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.]

As a college student these past few weeks have been hard, and everyone reacts to the change in workload differently but regardless God has been in control since the beginning of time and He is not going to stop during finals week of Spring 2013.

Guard Your Heart!

Proverbs 4:23 [Above all else guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it]

In society today, we [as ladies] are fed the lie that we have to be in a relationship. It is all over the media, tabloids, and news. We cant make it a few hours without being exposed to this "false truth." Thirstiness to be in a relationship has forced a compromise of our values and morals, for a fleshly desire. The social norm is to be in these shallow relationships. These relationships where we share permanent feelings with a temporary person and yet we are surprised when our hearts are broken in to, when we allowed them in. We allowed them in by forcing a relationship built on our control and capabilities. We appease our boredom and loneliness, settling for a false companion.

This season of singleness is an opportunity, not only a time of serving God but more importantly a heart make over. For so many, we overlook this important season, constantly seeking out the next guy that will appease this desire in our heart for companionship. Finding boys that are kind of "godly", that go to church on Sunday, guys that we can change and make into the image we want. But we fail to recognize, we are no creator.  We have no authority over the heart of man. For so many years I went through this toxic cycle of trying to change people to make them into the image I desired. Yet time and time again they failed me by pushing my values and morals away from  God and time and time again I repeated the cycle.

I failed to recognized, I was created for a purpose. My inner most being was created for something bigger than my shallowness, my loneliness, my boredom, my selfishness. Behind all of that was a heart that was created in the image of God, an image our shallowness and selfishness has a hard time grasping. But this heart had the desires to serve and grow closer to God, yet was blind because of desperation.

Your heart is in God's possession and if a man wants to pursue you he will need to go to God first. If he does not, then he is not the man that deserves the emotions and desires God has hidden in your heart; desires meant to be shared with your future husband. A husband who has God's word over-flowing from his heart, is the man you are waiting for. A man who values your heart for God and not what you can offer him during this temporary life on earth.

I know this concept may sound crazy or even impossible and you're probably thinking that guy doesn't exist and he never will. But I encourage you to really surrender your control over this and allow God to work in your heart because the moment you let go, serious make-overs begin and God is able to reveal Himself to you. God says in Ecclesiastes that there is a season for everything and God could be calling you to a season of singleness so he can work in your heart, transforming you into that Proverbs 31 woman.

blog inspired by:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs  and a good friend :)

Under Attack.

Under Attack?

Feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt or shame from temptations or trials that have been overcome by Gods power? Well this is spiritual warfare and satan puts these negative thoughts and feeling in your heart, to blind you to the joy of Christ power in overcoming the temptation or trial. You never know how mad you make Satan until he tries to destroy the good things God is doing for you and in you. Last week I posted about purity and before I posted it I was really nervous because I felt that it might have been too blunt and to the point and that ultimately I might offend someone. Well I definitely offended Satan because he clearly came for me this weekend.

Satan knows that God will protect His children:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have summoned by name you are mine." Isaiah 43:1
Throughout the Old Testament, God continually protected His people. Moses promises Gods people, who were in fear because of Pharaohs army nearing the Red Sea, that the "Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." Exodus 14:14 
We are promised that, "no temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

He protects. He rescues. He fights.

When we are no longer willing to follow satan and decide to follow Christ, we are allowing Him to be the leader of our lives. Like any human being rejection hurts and Satan hates it. Our sinful nature seeks revenge when rejected, but Satan seeks destruction. And he made an attack on the precious covenant I made to God and my future husband. A covenant that has become part of my foundation in life. An area of my life I have struggled with he prowled out and tried to destroy, but because I have put my trust and faith in Christ, He protected me from the attack of satan. 1 Peter 5:8-9 [ Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.  Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.]

A good friend reminded me that God has anointed me with wisdom and courage to speak about what He has put on my heart. And while it may seem that I have it all together, I am only a woman and also a sinner and I face the same temptations and trials. This weekend was a wake-up call to me that satan is real and he is out there trying to rob me of everything good that God does for me. 2 Peter 2:9 [the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgment]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VGwVtYxEy8

Hide Your Love Away

Attention Young Ladies!

Ever felt lonely and desperate to be in a relationship?  Have you ever done something with a guy just to keep a relationship going? Is purity a word you find yourself avoiding?

Well, I know exactly how you feel and my heart has a heavy burden to share. A burden that I carried for so long, until I allowed God to take that burden and pain away. This pain was not something that I volunteered myself for or allowed freely to happen. This pain began when I consciously chose to put my life before my relationship with God. The moment I turned my back on God was the moment I unconsciously told Satan I was willing to follow him.

Satan will not tempt you with something he knows you will overcome, he has been in this world for far to long to lose that easy. He targets each of us with what he knows will keep us away from a relationship with the Father and for me that was physical purity. For me, Satan put guys in my life that were nice, from good "Christian" homes, and were exactly what I "thought" I was looking for. He is going to tempt each of us differently, for you it may be mental purity, physical purity, or both. But there are 3 things young women desire: we want to be pursued by our prince charming, we want to be told we are beautiful, and we want to be heard/undivided attention.

Any boy that is willing to pursue you, tell you that you are beautiful, and give you his undivided attention over his relationship with the Lord, does not truly desire the Lord or your purity. He desires to know you and only you  and while his intentions may seem innocent at first, he is also a sinner and without a foundation built on the Lord, your relationship with him will lead down a path that leads to mental or physical sin, because that is what our sinful nature desires. A godly man is someone that is willing to guard your heart and pursue you only when he knows that it is the will of God, and he is the one worth waiting for.


Watch this first: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgRFAY7gEmM

From My Heart:
I watched this video the other night and it ripped my heart apart, mostly because this is something I have failed to do in my past, I didn't hide my love away and in this sinfallen world there is always going to be those painful memories, but God has restored my heart when I rededicated my purity. For me it is not just a physical purity but also a purity of mind as well. [1 Peter 4:7 The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.] 

I want to encourage you and let you know that you can take this back. Satan does not have control over you.  By surrendering your purity to Christ and your future husband you are surrendering to Gods plan. The more you pursue Gods will, the more he will heal your heart from the pain it holds on to. He will fill you with desires that you would have never seen if you were still following the world. Its okay to mess up, that is how God breaks our pride and uses us to reach others [James 1:2-3  Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.]

The most awesome example of this is in the Bible in John 8:2-11. Basically a woman was "caught in the act" of adultery and like today there was a double standard, they were more critical of a woman who was unfaithful, than of a man unfaithful. But Jesus knew that this woman had made a mistake, had committed a sin, but that she wanted to be forgiven. She deserved to be stoned, yet Jesus held every one accountable and said "Let those who have never sinned throw the first stones." John 8:7. Jesus is more than ready to forgive each one of us than we are ready to forgive each other.

You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be treated in a loving manner. You deserve forgiveness. You deserve undivided attention. The desire of God's heart is a relationship and fellowship with others. Jesus sets the example for all godly men with respect to caring for women, however, no human relationship can satisfy the deep soul-need you have. A relationships with a man cannot match it. Only Jesus can satisfy that desire! You can start over and rededicate your purity to God and your future husband.

A Weak Heart Controlled by Pride

The weak. The weary. The lame. The vulnerable. The in-capable. The weird. The useless. The broken.

These are all words we use day-to-day to describe those we allocate as being unworthy of our love and attention. Without saying a word we have selfish thoughts that making someone unworthy of our attention.  This classification has become an unconscious act and a social norm for society. This toxic way of life has corrupted us, because we try so hard to glorify ourselves; we hold ourselves higher than others by tearing them down for their faults and weaknesses. Our pride has taken control over our minds and corrupted the very thing that God has called us to, and that is to Love without conditions.

This Love is not something we did anything to earn, yet we hold others to this impossible standard of earning our love. This feeling in our hearts that God has made so beautiful our society has managed to corrupt with hate and selfishness. This love is UNconditional and there is nothing we can do for God to earn it. So why do we judge and hold others to a worldly standard? Because we aren't perfect [far from it actually] and ultimately we haven't recognized our own brokenness.

When we recognize our own weakness, and our own brokenness God is able to use us. Because His strength is made perfect in our weakness, our weariness, our lameness, our vulnerability, our in-capabilities  our weirdness, our uselessness, and our brokenness all becomes perfect in His name and He is ultimately glorified. Being weak and broken is not a bad thing, I actually consider it a gift God gives us to draw us closer to Him, and 2 Cor 12:9-10 tells us that: [ "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.]

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself' it is thinking of yourself less."
 -C.S. Lewis

From My Heart:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2_kOGUypNA
For so long I struggled to love, I was so full of hate and discontent. I fueled my life off of the weakness of others. I compared my strengths with their weaknesses and that was how I thrived, but I was so empty. God broke that pride and showed me how weak and empty I really was. This weakness is not a bad thing and while I might have been embarrassed God showed me that through my weakness He was able to work in my life and use me. I finally recognized that Pride was a distorted picture of life from satan that controlled and destroyed me, but God gives us the amazing and beautiful gift of humility that repaired my heart and mind of the toxic corruption.